Author: admin Created: 10/9/2009 5:28 AM
Stuff Happens. Accepting it is the key to happiness.

It occurred to me that the core of every fear is a desire. My greatest desire it to be free from any pain, physical or emotional.

If something does cause me pain, it does not meet my expectations that I will have my desire, and anytime my expectations are not met I become angry.

If a person causes me pain I become angry at that person and develop a resentment toward them.

If my anger rises and gets out of control I experience rage.

A Choice It may feel as if fear, anger, rage are things that happen,  and that I have no way to stop them when they take control of me. However, I do have control over the root cause, the desire.

I have the ability to let go of any desire. The desire can be just to have a quiet day with no distractions. Yet the phone keeps ringing and people make demands. I can simply let go of that desire. Accept that I cannot have a quiet day.

I can also accept that I cannot avoid being hurt. I can accept that people will say things to me that are not nice....

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I find that feelings of joy, stress, anxiety, and fear is felt now, but is triggered by thoughts of the future. The feeling at the end of the week when looking at the upcoming weekend can bring thoughts of joy. It is not that we wont ever have any problems again in life, it is just that we feel as if our ‘future looks bright’. When we feel depression, it is the exact opposite. We feel that the ‘future’ does not look bright.

This ‘future gazing’ is usually wrong. That weekend full of happiness that we predicted turns out to be consumed with cleaning up the damage from a water leak in the house. That situation that we predicted would bring us pain and misery turns out to not be that bad. Whenever we ‘predict the future’, the longer we project out, the worst our predictions are. The book Stumbling on Happiness describes how bad we are at predicting the future because we don’t predict the details. For example, we imagine our vacation will...

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This is a follow up to Moving You Sim Through The World which is a follow up to Living Life As A Sim Rather Than A First Person Shooter. In those posts it is suggested that imagining yourself from the 3rd person minimizes the stress that one normally feels when imagining unpleasant things in the future, the cause of anxiety.

The Goal: The Ability To Feel Joy In Any Situation This 3rd person, dispassionate view of oneself, allows us the possibility to feel joy at all times, even in times of what would normally be extreme stress or difficulty. In fact this is best practiced at those times. For example, one can receive the news that they were just fired from a job. When experienced through the normal first person perspective, one may feel as if the world has turned against them. Incredible sadness...

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This is a follow-up to the post Living Life As A Sim Rather Than A First Person Shooter. In that post I described the technique of thinking of yourself in the 3rd person (like a Sim in the Sims, or the character in FarmVille). This provides a better perspective on my position in the world and the world around me. If it rains, it rains on my Sim (my body) but does it really rain on my soul? Isn’t the real me truly separated from my physical self that the perspective shows?

File:Doom ingame 2.png

Most of us live life as a first person shooter. We look at the world though our eyes, and the world, is what we see though our eyes (and what we imagine). Even when we imagine, we imagine things as seen through our eyes, first person shooter style.

The problem that I have found is that this perspective is the cause of a great amount of anxiety. Anxiety is really just a fancy word for fear. The fear is always a fear of loss. In this case, it is loss of control. For example, the fear that something bad at work will happen the next day, is really just a fear that things wont go the way we want them too. The fear is not in what will happen (unless you expect that you will get killed or injured at work) but that what will happen is not what we want to happen.

On reflection we may realize that this is a bit silly. We cannot know exactly what will happen...

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It recently occurred to me that Fear and Anger are the same thing, the lack of acceptance. The only difference is that Fear is something we refuse to accept that is in the future, and Anger is something that we refuse to accept about something that is happing right now…

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It never occurred to me to ask why I want to be happy. It seemed rather obvious, until I really sat down to think about it. The reason the question came to my mind was that I was pondering on the importance… and power, of motivations. It appears we do everything by motivation. One thing that it appears I am motivated to do is to be happy. But why? Why am I motivated to be happy at all?…

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It is well known that Faith is the opposite of fear, the 23rd Psalm is often quoted, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me”...

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Chapter Five, in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, talks of our fear. it controls our lives. It is the motivation for practically everything we do. We become angry when we feel threatened. Our fear is always that we will lose something. A possession, a status, an affection, security. Resentments are nothing more than continued anger at someone who we fear will take one of these things from us. At the core of this is self-centeredness. Basically, we are concerned with satisfying our own needs and wants. This wouldn’t be so bad if we could actually satisfy ourselves. But, in truth, as soon as we satisfy one ‘want’ or ‘need’,  it is quickly replaced with another.

The solution is to not be self-centered. To instead, be motivated by helping others. It doesn’t matter who, just anyone but ourselves. This removes the fear of any “loss”, and since “loss of something” is the only thing we ever fear, it removes all fear.

It is our motivations that we need change. If we help the needy because we want to raise...

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We frequently find ourselves in stressful situations that we feel powerless to control. However, the majority of the time we can control not only the cause of the situation, but also the method to eliminate the situation once we have found ourselves in it...

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